Parallelismi

Se solo avessi potuto andare a un concerto dei Placebo nel 96! nel 97! Negli anni d'oro insomma, in cui quest'ultimo un po' insulso cd non c'era, e il batterista era quello degli esordi, e Brian aveva quei capelli fantastici un po' spettinati e ondosi, la riga in mezzo. Shoulder toes and knees, I'm 36 degrees. Ma mi ritengo fortunata anche solo per averli sentiti settimana scorsa a Milano, due ore che vorrei rivivere per sempre. Some try to do me ache. Continuano a chiamarmi e mandarmi messaggi ma non è possibile, non è che io voglia snobbarli, ma questi dannatissimi due giorni di vacanza mi piace passarli a casa a bere Coca-Cola e vedere film. Certo se si trattasse di uscire con la Chiara e Johnny.. sì lo confesso, sarebbe diverso. Io ho un comportamento opinabile nei loro confronti, ma come faccio a non sparire di fronte a queste persecuzioni? Siamo amici sì e no, ci si vede una settimana sì e una no. Non è che ci sia una regola.. Ma io non sono abituata a vedere neanche i miei pochi amici tutti i giorni, figuriamoci loro! E' contro natura, non si può forzare la realtà.. Amici da ogni tanto, amici da ci si vede in giro, non amici da grandi confidenze. Chi l'ha deciso? Nessuno. Ma la natura delle amicizie si intuisce fin dal principio.. Se non avete granchè in comune, se non c'entrate niente, se non vi capite, allora perchè sforzarsi, provare a far funzionare le cose? Mah. Io me ne sto così bene a casa, leggere Nabokov, ascoltare i Placebo dalle prime luci dell'alba a notte inoltrata, decorare l'Albero di Natale, truccarmi pur non mettendo il naso fuori da casa, guardare video musicali e sistemare la camera, sniffare crema allo zucchero filato e fantasticare. Sarebbe come andare a fare matematica o economia all'università, stupido e inutile. Incompatibili con me. E se c'è dell'asociale in me pazienza, perchè dovete considerarlo tutti un difetto? E' solo una caratteristica. Devo comprare i regali di Natale, sono a quota uno. Solo. Comprare, comprare, comprare.. che smania.

for what is worth

novità? che fai? che hai fatto? che mi racconti?
cosa rispondere a queste impellenti domande che mi provocano un prurito d'ansia? che, se non me le fanno gli altri, me le faccio io da sola?
non mi sta mica bene così, o forse sì. cosa faccio? vado a scuola, studio. leggo, quello sì. bè ascolto la musica. novità? mm. ho iniziato teatro ecco. ma probabilmente sarò presto cacciata..cerco qualcuno che mi dia ripetizioni di fisica. esaltante! ma though my life seems to lack of something, quel je ne sais quoi che io proprio non ho, mi sta quasi bene. cioè, mi trovo comoda in questi indumenti di compagna, di amica, di studente, di responsabile e irresponsabile, di sociale a asociale, queste giornate freddine mi piacciono da morire, il colore del cielo e gli alberi che si stagliano sicuri, scrivere relazioni sul caro macbeth e ridere davanti a una biblioteca perchè alla fine ogni santo lunedì prima del test lo passiamo così, ed è quasi inquietante. destiny? fair is foul and foul is fair. questo post scritto tanto à la giulia, e non è stato scritto con l'intendo da poser. niente maiuscole perchè son di fretta, ho bisogno di riposo, e questo ritmo incalzante è dovuto all'agitazione per domani. poi sarò di nuovo a casa da sola con il libro di fisica e le produzioni di spagnolo, ma può essere che la giornata sia ravvivata da una cioccolata in quel bar che potrebbe essere il set di un remake di chocolat e l'aria frizzantina, il freddo pungente. j'aime

Oggi ho concluso un libro che mi aveva preso parecchio, peccato non averci capito granchè. Del resto, chi pensa di aver capito pienamente ciò che ha letto è un emerito presuntuoso. Come puoi esser certo che l'autore avesse in mente quello che pensi tu? Magari non lo capiva nemmeno lui stesso, e tu pretendi di aver in pugno il messaggio del libro. Alla gente piace pensare che ci sia sempre un messaggio: nei film, nei libri.. Fin dalle elementari, i maestri non fanno che tentate di estrapolare dal film appena visto tutti insieme al cinema una morale, un insegnamento, oppure semplicemente un significato, "ci vuole far riflettere su.." "ci vuole far capire che.."; ma chi ce lo dice? Magari Salinger non voleva dirmi un tubo, magari gli è uscito tutto di getto, magari è stato ispirato da Dio o Buddha o tutte le divinità che nomina e che io non avevo mai nemmeno sentito pronunciare.
Credo d'esser destinata alla solitudine. Some are bound to happiness, some are bound to glory, some are bound to live with less, who can tell your story? Mi ci vedo, a viver da sola. A volte la gente mi disturba.. Una persona mi scrive in chat, e io ho come un sussulto, per un attimo mi secca. Lo trovo impegnativo, con poche eccezioni. Mi piace trascorrere il tempo con la Chiara, con Johnny, con mia madre, con gli altri di Somma. Ma mi piace altrettanto stare da sola.. La prospettiva della solitudine non mi affligge, tutt'altro! Stare da sola è un tipo di compagnia, per me. Non so da chi possa aver preso, fatto sta che non mi discosto granchè dalla pubblicità dei nonsochetortelloni Rana.
Tuttavia, se state pensando che io sia uno di quegli esseri passivi a cui non interessa niente di nulla (niente di niente aveva una sfumatura diversa), non è così. Sono pigra, sì. Mi piace starmene a casa a vedere Criminal Minds con una coperta. Ma mi entusiasmo, anche. Venerdì io e Chiara siamo andate al concerto degli Afterhours..pensare che me lo sono quasi perso! Per fortuna la razionalità ha prevalso, e non ho stupidamente sprecato una simile occasione. E anche se a H.C. non piace l'espressione, e forse è anche un po' fredda, distaccata, accademica, ma la prima definizione che mi salta in testa è eccezionali. Che però è poco.. Certo, la sua voce è incredibile. Rendono da morire dal vivo. Violini favolosi. Ma c'è altro.. C'è l'emozione di una folla che canta quei testi e non solo, li sente. Chissà quanti ricordi aleggiavano sulle nostre teste.. Ci sarà chi con quelle canzoni ha pianto, s'è consolato, s'è emozionato, ha vissuto momenti degni di nota. Quante volte quelle frasi sono state ricopiate su quaderni, post-it? Incisi su sedie? Scritti su panchine? Quante volte delle stupidine ne hanno abusato?
Io personalmente non credevo che le avrei sentite particolarmente; ma una volta là, ho capito d'essermi sbagliata. E' stato emozionante, avrei voluto mettere sotto una campana di vetro tutto quello che ho provato e liberarlo nei momenti di nostalgia, dopo essermi accertata che porte e finestre siano ben chiuse. Una farfalla si libra leggera in camera mia, si posa sulla mensola, confusa dalle mie pareti dipinte d'azzurro, perchè ci sono le nuvole qua dentro? Ho terminato quello che avevo da dire, mi sono prosciugata ben bene.

The comeback

I almost miss summer. I like, no, I adore fall, its colours and its rainy weather. Its fallen leaves, its grey sky. Its days perfect for reading, its cold wind. Its frosted cheeks, its scarves. Its hot teas and chocolates served in lovely cafés. Its libraries, its vintage shops. But school has started less than a month ago, and I don't feel like studying at all.. I want empty days to fill in, old films to watch, afternoons dedicated to photos, free mind. No stressing thoughts, just relax. It'd be good, wouldn't it? But I must accept the fact that holidays are over and enjoy these days as much as I can! I can't really complain about them, I'm just going to school, spending time with my friends, having a great time on amazing saturday nights, spending my spare time reading or at the computer. Quelquefois I study, but unfortunately I've got a very weak will-power! :P I just hope there'll be other lovely days for me in the next future. Sadness has, in a certain way, disappeared. Not completely, sometimes I still feel very lonely.. But I'm not so thoughtful, I'm a bit more optimistic. Sometimes I can't stand staying at home and chatting with my parents at dinner, I find it so unbearable that it often causes me headaches. The same conversations all the time, it's so annoying.. But I do enjoy talking with my mom, and I'm content with my actual friendships. Well, more than just content! I've got very few friends, but they never, never let me down. And the guys we met at the end of the summer, well, they're actually amazing! We're still hanging out together, and I must say I've laughed more with them, in the last month, than in my entire summer.
I haven't started seeing the world as a wonderful, amazing place full of graceful, honest and fantastic people. I still find it difficult to rely on them.. And drawbacks are still part of my life. But I'd be an hypocrite if I kept on repeating my life is horrible because, actually, it's not. And it doesn't matter if I sometimes feel insecure and rejected.. Who doesn't? My life is still full of beautiful things I have to dedicate time to.

Parents, oh parents.

Yesterday I spent a great evening with some friends met some days ago. It's amazing when you find yourself at ease with people you've just met! We went to a concert, which was supposed to be set on the beach but, unfortunately, due to the rain, they had to move it into a pub. This means few people, lots of noise and people sweating.. but I had a great time! After the gig we stopped on the road to eat something, and chatted a bit.. well, a lot! My parents didn't like the fact that I came home at 3 AM at all. I hope they'll allow me to go out with them again, because there's no point in forbidding me to do it.. I mean, they're all great guys, I don't understand my parents. They were mad at me, but why?! I came home safe, not drunk or something. There's nothing bad in staying out late if you're with your friends! Moreover, they're kind and responsable; the guys who had to drive drank tea and even refused to taste the beer the others were drinking. I don't know what my parents think we did, but they should trust me. Hope they'll change their minds about it, because I'm so happy we met some new people and went out a bit, instead of doing the same things.

Even an end has a start.

Everytime I decide to go to bed, one of my favourite videoclips starts on Mtv. Damn! Tomorrow I'll feel like crap, but it doesn't matter. I'm excited because I'm meeting the friends I made in Oxford, in July! I didn't believe them when they told me they had decided to come to Milan, I felt so happy :) I'm looking forward to see Giulia again, a girl I met there. At first we didn't talk that much, but I happened to be in class with her, and we became great friends. She's a wonderful person, and we're totally on the same wavelenght!
Apart from that, I'm quite enjoying these last days of summer. Going to the movies, reading Edgar Allan Poe, going to gigs, going to bed late, going to the disco and act like a fool. It's almost better than the whole summer. Proably because we don't actually enjoy something until we know it's ending and can't waste it anymore.

Cant get away from the moment

I am spending lovely evenings with my BFF; we are watching these films we have been wanting to watch for ages, like Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Fight club, Mystic River. I usually prefer dramatic movies, but I have recently found out that I love thrillers, noirs and.. Tarantinos movies :D I thought they were too much violent, but this was just a prejudice. We are eating loads of ice-cream, too, and often going for bike rides. I love these evenings... but I am not so enthusiastic about daylife. I feel so lazy, spending hours doing absolutely nothing. Fortunately, school is starting on fourteenth of September. I know I will miss summer and hate school and dramas and teachers, but I am looking forward to a new start and new challenges. I want winter to come :D Or at least autumn. I hate summer weather, it gets too hot. I wanna wear thick sweaters, winter dresses, tights and scarves.. and I miss chatting over a cup of delicious hot chocolate. Now I am off to bed.. Its 3.08 PM.

Goodnight :D

Crisis in the middle of the night

And when I told her I didn't love her anymore

She cried

And when I told her of another girl that caught my eye

She cried

I know it's a question everyobdy has asked himself at least once in his life, but why isn't love endless? Why do things have to end, and most of the time in a horrible way? If two persons love each other, I don't understand how a strong feeling can disappear.

Doubts.

I've just spent a great evening/night with my BFFs! We were hoping to see some shooting stars, but we weren't lucky enough. We sat on a blanket on the road, chatted, smoked, laughed and took loads of photos. Yes, we like to act like tramps :)
I love summer evenings, they're magic.

BTW, I was thinking about writing here in Italian. I started writing in English for several reasons: first of all, as most of the blogs I read are of foreigners, it'd be easier to communicate with them. Anybody would understand me. I'd improve my English. It'd be a challenge. But now I realized that nobody is reading or commenting what I write. Also, I was reading a blog I used to keep, in Italian of course, and I understood that I can't express many things in English. I can't go that far.. And I don't want to limitate my thoughts.
I still don't know, I'm undecided (as usual). Hope that a good night's sleep will help.

Goodnight!

Sorry for the amount of Placebo pictures (in this case Ville Valo+Brian Molko.. not that bad!), but i'm so EXCITED! Today we bought tickets, more than three months in advance. Can't wait! The gig is on 30th of November, in Milan.

I WANNA PAINT THE TOWN WITH YOU AND TICKLE UNTIL YOU SCREAM.

I WANNA BE MUCH MORE LIKE YOU

THE WAY YOUR SMILE LIGHTS UP THE ROOM

THIS HOPE THAT YOU AND I WILL BLOOM

I WANNA FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

I WANNA SAY I DO
THE QUESTION IS DO YOU?

01 Mood: Calm and positive.

02 Best thing about this weekend: Having a night out, finally!

03 Last movie I saw: Beauty and the beast: the enchanted Christmas. I'm serious! I forced my BFF to watch it with me.

04 What I'm watching: Second season of Greek and some episodes of Mental.

05 Make up lust: New mascara and Touche Eclat by YSL.

06 Listening to: La Roux, White Lies, Maximo Park.

07 Favourite recent purchase: H&M earrings.

08 What I'm looking forward to this week: nothing in particular.

09 I want: something to happen and the gorgeous See by Chloè boots above.

10 Aim for tomorrow: spend some quality time with my mother.

KAYA.

Girls and boys. and blogs. and girls writing blogs, and girls writing about girls. I've got nothing against boys, but lately blogs have been featuring mainly girls. Gorgeous, charming, ethereal girls... like Kaya Scodelario, I think she's amazing!

I loved the way the blog looked with the Brighton picture, but I suppose it's not a good reason for stopping to write. What happened? Well, Oxford completely faded. Now it's just me, my computer, second season of Greek, ice cream and pijamas. Sounds very exciting, doesn't it? Actually, tomorrow I'm going to Milan (thank God) with a bunch of friends too see an exhibition. It's called "Woodstock: the afterparty", it's about music mass meetings and how they influenced generations. I'm very curious about it.. But in actual fact, there's been something else on my mind lately. I've always had this problem: I tend to focus on other girls, I admire them, I envy them, I dream to be them, or at least like them, and I forget about me. I'm a dreamer, yes, and I often dream of myself. I dream of myself changed. Improved. But I don't act at all. I'd like to lose a few pounds, since I'm feeling unbalanced. I've always been skinny, but I've had some eating disorders and I still have some crisis, I still have problems with food. But the point is, my bust is very large compared to my legs, which are long and quite skinny. That's why I always wear loose tops with skinny jeans or shorts, to hide it. I want people to tell me I'm thin. They do.. But just because I cheat. And I really want to wear my old t-shirts, tank tops, tight dresses.. I do want to be fit, to feel ok. To button-up my cardigans. And I know I sound convinced but believe me, next to my computer, there's a crisp packet. Finished. And I had dinner, and I ate some chocolate. And yes, that's ordinary. But it shouldn't be. It's just that in this period I'm always at home, I'm always kind of bored and sad. And I don't feel motivated at all.. I feel I could become a whale and nobody would care. But this is not healthy at all, and I don't like myself. If I don't make efforts now that I'm 17, when will I learn? So yes, I've officially finished eating junk food. I will learn to control myself. I will eat healthy things, I will like my body.

A song to say goodbye

Leave me dreaming on the bed,
see you right back here tomorrow, for the next round.
Keep this scene inside your head,
as the bruises turn to yellow, and the swelling goes down.
And if you're ever around, in the city or the suburbs, of this town,
Be sure to come around, I'll be wallowing in sorrow,
wearing a frown, like pierrot the clown.
Saw you crashing 'round the bay,
never seen you act so shallow, or look so brown.
Remembered all the things you'd say, how your promises went hollow,
as you threw me to the ground.
And if you're ever around, in the backstreets or the alleys, of this town.
Be sure to come around, I'll be wallowing in pity,
wearing a frown, like pierrot the clown.
When i dream, i dream if your lips,
when i dream, i dream of your kiss,
when i dream, i dream of your fists,
your fists,your fists

Leave me bleeding on the bed,
see you right back here tomorrow, for the next round.
Keep this scene inside your head,
as the bruises turn to yellow, and the swelling goes down
And if you're ever around, in the city or the suburbs, of this town,
be sure to come around, I'll be wallowing in sorrow,
wearing a frown, like Pierrot the clown.

Oh god, it feels like centuries since I last wrote here!
Actually, it's been more than a month, which is not little at all. And what did I do?
Well, I made one of the best experiences in my life: I spent three, extraordinary weeks in Oxford with lots and lots of people from all over the world. I met wonderful people, I visited London, I experienced Brighton's incredible wind, I ate a huge chocolate donught, I made lots of stupid jokes with my mates, I sang lots of songs, I felt happy, I felt embarassed, I danced to horrendous songs and had a great time, I laughed, I caught an incredible amount of buses, I read a book in English, I shared secrets on a bus, I nearly cried after a phone call, I took plenty of photos, I shopped at Topshop, I felt I wanted to stay there, I climbed a hill in the night, I screamed in the park, I gathered with lots of people in the park just to secretely drink alcohol, I cheated on my age to drink a Long Island, I changed my mind about many people, I forgot I had another life in Italy, I ate cupcakes at Starbucks, I made friends, I added them on Facebook.
So yeah, lots of great memories. But it's over, and I'm sad about that but not disappointed. I'll never forget these three weeks, and I'm so happy I finally have my memories. I mean, something I don't share with my sister, or my friends. Something mine, something the others can't understand, it's just very precious.

And apart from that, Placebo in Milan in November! YAY! I'm so excited! Can't wait to buy tickets!

I've got a date with the night

I think OK became something deeper. I suppose late night chatting (guess with who?) and listening to Yann Tiersen helped. As far as music is concerned, I think that nobody will ever understand its power. Apathy, then music and then feelings. And the best time for music is night, for sure. When around you the silence prevails on everything, and you perceive and feel more than usually. Emotions, noises, thoughts, atmosphere, they're all amplified. In the dark, moreover, you can be whoever you want. It's magic. If it wasn't, why do everything look better in the night? Situations, problems, people. And if it wasn't, there wouldn't be this big detachment between night and day. The day after a party, a gig or a special moment in general, the night seems so far away. Like you just dreamt all. It's all over, and you have to deal with real life, you forgot all. Night is precious, I think we shouldn't waste it. And that's why I'm writing here at 2 AM, so that my night thoughts won't fade.

I don't know where I am but I know it's alright
I don't know anyone around here but I'm safe this time
I don't care where I am but I know it's alright
I jumped the tracks I can't get back but I'm safe this time
'Cause when you tell me stupid things like you do,
I have to change the rules,
I can't lose
Cause I shiver, I just break up,
When I'm near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver, I get pent up,
There's no way that I know you'll understand

We talk and talk, around it all,
How'd we end up here
I'm in a rush, if I'd only stop,
And take my time
Cause with you, I'm running somewhere I can't get to,
Yes I have to change the rules,I'm with you

Cause I shiver, I just break up,
When I'm near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver, I get pent up,
There's no way that I know you'll understand

If I never saw you again,
Could I keep all this inside?
If I never saw you again,
Could I keep all this inside?

Because I shiver, I just break up,
When I'm near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver, I get pent up,
There's no way that I know you'll understand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj-VXy_YF-8 Check out Maximo park's amazing version of Shiver by Natalie Imbruglia! You won't regret it.

Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head

OK.
It's the word that sums up my day.
It's been OK.
OK is not that bad, not that good.
It means no extremes.

What the hell should I do to be happy, or just joyful?
Probably I'd prefer being desperate or mad at someone,

rather than feeling this apathy.

Late night depression plus some chung

Ok, the fashion blog-thing seems really hard to carry out.
Moreover, nobody is reading this blog.. So I guess I can write anything :)
Today was better than yesterday, no doubts. I woke up quite early, had a delicious breakfast with new (yummy!) cereals, took a long shower, had lunch with my sister and went out with my BFF, looking for some books. I went out tonight, too, and had a great time with my friends. We had some ice cream, attempted to buy cigarettes from a fucking machine (I hated it!) and strolled in the park, chatting and being not so serious. I went home and chatted with a friend, well, not an ordinary friend, but who cares. I suppose the word is quite appropriate, now. He's the one I wrote about in the first post, and then again when I was angry. I really can't get over him (I don't wanna get over you-Magnetic Fields- go listen to it!). Everytime I talk to him, I realize I can't forget him. Every conversation includes laughing, reading brillant things, smiling for the funny words he uses, being amused. Tonight he reminded me of some nights ago, when we met at a concert and I didn't say hello to him. I saw it but did nothing. I know, it's stupid but I really wanted to talk with him, even for little time, but it's not that easy! I saw him and
sono precipitata nella solita dimensione parallela
qualcosa dentro di me ha iniziato a muoversi
ho provato una sensazione assurda
volevo scappare e allo stesso tempo correre da lui
si è fermato tutto per un attimo
I invented an excuse, like "I saw you but our eyes didn't meet so I didn't have the chance to", which is half the truth, but he replied that I knew it wasn't true. What the hell did he mean? I understood it perfectly, but I can't understand why he wanted me to say hello to him. I know, we're friends. But it's not so important! Am I important to him? Am I nothing to him? Why can't I get rid of him? And above all, why I don't wanna do it?

Dreaming about the perfect summer

mhm. This was supposed to be a fashion blog, but it turned out to be a sort of diary.
Anyway! Today nothing happened. Really, nothing! I stayed home and watched a film (Good girl, with Jennifer Aniston and the usual Jake Something), dedicated myself to crosswords and videoclips and blogs and ice cream. Exciting, eh?

I'd better plan something to do tomorrow or I'll kill myself! I love these lazy days during the year, but in the summer.. Well, I basically hate summer. I don't really see many advantages.. Yes, no school. Yes, holidays and trips abroad. And then? Horrible weather, people sweating, laziness, boredom, lots of things you'd like to do but you end up not doing them because of the laziness, the weather, the fact that all the ordinary actions are more tiring in the summer. I love the idea of summer in certain places, yes. I love the idea of Allie's summer (www.flickr.com/photos/alliehine), but not mine. I love the idea of lying on the beach, with the wind in my long, salty hair, taking gorgeous pictures. But my summer consists in spending a lot of time alone, in my horrible town (I swear, it's horrible. It's small and not nice at all. Moreover, I live on the outskirts and you run the risk of dying everytime you try to cross the road- too many cars!), doing nothing.

Why must I always be the one who's fooled?
I'm not your fool. And if I am, I won't be anymore.
I'm fed up with you. I want you to evaporate. I don't want to see your face, to hear your words, to read your messages. Because it always end up like this.

There's explosions in the sky

Well, the title is referring both to Explosions in the sky (check their songs, their music is amazing!) and Placebo, a band I'll always love. Brian Molko's voice, the atmosphere their songs create, their delicacy, they're all elements which make you fall in love with them. Je suis tombée amoureuse de eux !
I'm dying to see them live, but unfortunately their only italian gig this summer is in July, when I'll be in Oxford. Basically in three weeks I'll be in England, surrounded by strangers, staying in a family which I don't know at all, in a foreign city, in a foreing country. Weird? Frightening? YES. But I'm looking forward to it, both because it's an experience I won't forget, I'm sure, and because for me it's a sort of challenge with myself. I've always been kind of shy, let's see if I can get rid of this aspect! I mean, I will always be, but you can't make new friends if you're always on your own. So I guess I'll have to make an effort!

Well, holidays have actually started. And I already had some great times: last friday @Magnolia, dancing all night to Kele's music (YES! Bloc Party's vocalist!), saturday night at Tre Allegri Ragazzi Morti's gig-they were great!- but I also spent some lovely afternoons with my mother. However, I feel the sensation I was talking about last time.. Wasting time. I'm probably a bit paranoid, but still quite realistic. Should I "work" at my dad's office? He asked me to do some simple things, things that I did last year and sort of hated.. I mean, I'm talking about lots of paper documents and stuff like this to deal with. Boredom. I'd better find something better to do.. I'd enjoy being a volunteer somewhere, but it seems that there's nothing to do, even for free!
Anyway, I'm off to an ice cream with friends. Isn't there something better in summer evenings? and isn't Ali Michael stunning?

Pictures from Altamira Nyc and Tfs.

Today I have opposite feelings. I am really looking forward to holidays and the end of the school.. I want it to be over, I want to stop feeling pressure and stressing out. I want lazy days to come! I'm costantly checking flickr like this and they make me want to go out and enjoy the sun, take gorgeous photos and spending magic time. So yes, I'm expecting a lot from this holidays! On the other hand, my fears are growing.I'm afraid I'll waste time as usual, I'm afraid I'll end up lying on the sofa with the TV on. But I don't want my summer to be an endless boredom. But I really don't know what to do.. In July I'm spending three weeks in Oxford. I'm quite worried, but the excitemen prevails. But what about June and August? Should I look for a job? I can't make other holiday plans, I mean, three weeks in Oxford are enough, it's a lot of money. So maybe I should act in a responsible way and get a job. And it'd mean a way to pass time, too. And if I worked, my free time would look more precious. Now the problem is just finding this job!
Now I have to study chemistry. I don't think it's a coincidence that I write posts only when I have to study it -.- But I'll write again soon, as I have to tell you my last nights!

I'd like to map your body out

inch by inch

north to south

and I'm free to circumnavigation

I've got this song on my mind. It's from Quicken the heart, last album by Maximo Park.. well it sounds a bit slutty, but I'll turn a blind eye on this.. everything for Paul Smith! can't wait to see them nex wednesday in Milan.

I have no clue why i'm writing in English-i'm making lots and lots of mistakes, for sure, but at least it's a way to improve my writing skills.. and I love English.

Well, nobody is gonna read my posts so I shouldn't care!

These days are hell at school.. We're overwhelmed by tests and pages to study. The end of the year is close, and my holidays depend on these fucking tests.. chemistry, mainly. I actually hate it.. Well the subject itself isn't so bad, but I can't stand the fact that I'm not good at it. And I end up not studying it.. which is bad, above all because I run the risk of having to study it all summer! it'd be awful!

Apart from this school schizofrenia, all is..well, not great at all. My mom is mad at me for this chemistry thing, I haven't gone out since last saturday night and the thought of the ex is torturing me.. Well i'm torturing myself with it. The fact is that I still haven't found someone able to replace him.. Not in the sense that I need a boyfriend. What I mean is that I haven't met yet a person I really like. Being with him was always great: no matter what we did, it was always fun. And talking with him was a pleasure I can't explain.. He was really delighting, the kind of person you can't hate. I adored spending time with him, chatting and listening to him. He wasn't perfect, but he was different from the others. And when he writes to me on msn, or when I stumble across him on the street, I feel strange. I'm happy, talking to him actually makes me happy. But all has ended last summer, and I think I should give up.

Miser Catulle, desinas ineptire

et quod vides perisse perditum ducas.

Fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles..

I'm off to study some chemistry.. Hope to survive tomorrow!