Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I loved the way the blog looked with the Brighton picture, but I suppose it's not a good reason for stopping to write. What happened? Well, Oxford completely faded. Now it's just me, my computer, second season of Greek, ice cream and pijamas. Sounds very exciting, doesn't it? Actually, tomorrow I'm going to Milan (thank God) with a bunch of friends too see an exhibition. It's called "Woodstock: the afterparty", it's about music mass meetings and how they influenced generations. I'm very curious about it.. But in actual fact, there's been something else on my mind lately. I've always had this problem: I tend to focus on other girls, I admire them, I envy them, I dream to be them, or at least like them, and I forget about me. I'm a dreamer, yes, and I often dream of myself. I dream of myself changed. Improved. But I don't act at all. I'd like to lose a few pounds, since I'm feeling unbalanced. I've always been skinny, but I've had some eating disorders and I still have some crisis, I still have problems with food. But the point is, my bust is very large compared to my legs, which are long and quite skinny. That's why I always wear loose tops with skinny jeans or shorts, to hide it. I want people to tell me I'm thin. They do.. But just because I cheat. And I really want to wear my old t-shirts, tank tops, tight dresses.. I do want to be fit, to feel ok. To button-up my cardigans. And I know I sound convinced but believe me, next to my computer, there's a crisp packet. Finished. And I had dinner, and I ate some chocolate. And yes, that's ordinary. But it shouldn't be. It's just that in this period I'm always at home, I'm always kind of bored and sad. And I don't feel motivated at all.. I feel I could become a whale and nobody would care. But this is not healthy at all, and I don't like myself. If I don't make efforts now that I'm 17, when will I learn? So yes, I've officially finished eating junk food. I will learn to control myself. I will eat healthy things, I will like my body.